Did He Breakup With Me?
In the dating advice forum, onesweetworld28 asks: "I was dating a guy for almost five months, from September until mid January. Things were going great between us. He hadn't been with someone in two years before me. Around mid January, he came over after we hadn't seen each other in two weeks (I was on vacation) and told me that he wasn't sure that he wanted things to stay the same. He said he couldn't handle all the "expectations", especially in our relationship. He said he wanted to "slow things down" and that he thought we had gotten too attached to each other and maybe we didn't get to know each other well enough as friends (we met online). But he didn't want to break up he said that he doesn't want to see other people or be in an open relationship. He didn't want to go on a break either, because he said he wanted to continue to see me, talk to me, hang out with me, and hold me. I'm confused. Is this a breakup? What should I do?
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Comments
Hi onesweetworld28. It doesn’t sound like he is breaking up with you. He just wants to slow it down. He wants to keep it exclusive, but with none of the lovey dovey stuff. Maybe he wants to go back to being friends with interest to see if there is more. You should talk to him and ask him to explain it better so that you understand what he really wants. Hope this helps, good luck.
Sometimes it is best to give the relationship a rest. He doesnt sound like he really knows what he wants but would like to keep you on a string “just in case”. I would walk away FAST! Perhaps in the time away with no contact he can decide what he wants and you too will have time to look at if he is someone you really want to continue a relationship with.
i think you need to just forget about this guy and try adult dating lol! this way you dont have to keep pining over this guy and you have your pick of men who’ll take care of you, like me for instance
really, give it a try and forget about this guy!
I think you need to move on. I just had the same thing happen to me yesterday, and its not the first time it’s happened. If someone is unsure and uncommitted, nothing more can develop out of this relationship.
he didn’t break up with you but he may not be sure what he wants. He probably does think things are moving to fast so i’d just do your own thing for a while so you both will have space. if he really wants you absence will make the heart grow fonder so just give some time to think and i’ll bet you he’ll come back around with a vengeance.
Ahh, the table has turned. So when a guy gets to control the speed of the relationship, he is trashed and dumped and doesn’t know what he wants. But when a woman says slow down tiger, men are suppose to be understanding and willing and just wait and wait. Just another double standard towards men.
I think this is a really interesting dilemma. Most women find it difficult to believe that men actually want more from a relationship than just a physical/sexual or romantic partner. The truth is, most men rank companionship very high on the needs profile. Frank Zappa wrote a great song called, “Only Women Bleed” which was a cry about the myth that men don’t experience emotional pain or have the same needs that women do. In other words, men bleed too.
I think that your man is telling you he’s bleeding. Something is up and he needs to know that there is a deeper relationship between the two of you. Where did he go on his vacation and what happened? Maybe there was an event or a time of personal reflection for him that is life changing. It could have been one of those prolific times in the life of a man when he realizes that he needs to make changes in his life. Who knows?
The point is, men need to know that as partners, women can step out of their own needs and see what their man needs. They need to know that the woman in their lives can give them emotional support at the deepest level because, face it, that is the only place they are going to get it. Men don’t have girlfriends to turn to. They can’t call up their girlfriend for emotional support. When you are the love partner of a man, you are it.
So, I think that it the true test and this is the moment. Can you forget about what you need and want and just see him? Can you keep your eyes on him and give him what he is asking for-what he needs? If you can then, you love him.
Thanks for all the comments, everyone.
I should add that he hasn’t spoken to me since the talk, which was over a month ago. I’ve made attempts to contact him through email and the phone, but he hasn’t responded to any of my efforts. He’s also been drifting from his close friends and drinking a lot after work.
I just don’t understand how he could cut me out so easily after asking me to have faith in him and telling me he doesn’t want to lose me.
oh crap, he is using the whole “exclusive” thing. had that happen to me once. i still do not understand who came up with that whole idea, its terrible.
personally, i wouldn’t stick around. if he wants to be exclusive, show him where the door is. exclusive pretty much means, you cant see anyone else (date, hook up), but you are not in a serious relationship with him.
it is like a trial, by having said that, it might also just be an excuse not to get serious.
you have to realise what you want, and do what you want.
remember, you cannot make him want something, he doesnt want.
if you want a serious steady relationship, and he doesnt, im sure you will find someone who does and who wont use the stupid “exclusive” term.
good luck hun
He doesn’t want to break up with you he just wants to get along with you and he doesn’t want you to think he’s interested in other people and that they are causing him to make this decision…so don’t freak out. I seems he feels disappointed in the direction of the relationship and he wants to ease up a bit. Your expectations are not according to how he wants to live his life. Either you will back off or this relationship is truly over.
Try understanding his position more. Be more understanding, loving, patient and empathetic. Be more caring and support and I bet your relationship will get better.
J~