Reader Question - Does He Like Me As a Friend, or More?
Michelle asks: I met a guy at a bar about two weeks ago. We exchanged numbers when we first met and he called me the next day to setup a double date a few days later. That went well, so we spent some time together at my place a few days after that. He then asked if I wanted to go out to lunch in a few days (which we are tomorrow). However, I'm not sure if he wants to date me or just be friends (we've kissed only once, and I was the one that made the move). He is shy and it is difficult to read him. He is a great guy and I want to date him, but how can I tell if he feels the same way? Or I could just be impatient? I've only known this guy two weeks now.
Bonny's answer: From what you've shared Michelle, I'd say that the two of you are dating already. (See The Definition of Dating for more about my take on why, and what I believe dating is today). You are spending time together to get to know one another better, and you both continue to instigate contact. Sure, you made the first move and kissed him, but what's to say he wouldn't have if you hadn't? And frankly, if someone doesn't want to kiss you, they won't.
I'd stop trying to push things further ahead then they need to be. Things sound great so far, and progressing in a way that many women wish the early stages of a relationship would. If in a week or two things haven't moved towards a discussion along these lines and you are still hanging out once or twice a week, I'd broach the subject gently, thoughtfully and playfully. "Is this a date? Because I'd like to think it is," with a twinkle in your eye might work, but let your own imagination and personality shine though. Then, let him answer at his own speed, and without pressure. If he decides the two of you aren't on the same page, you can start looking for someone else you'd like to date that suits your relationship needs.
What say you, dear readers? Do you think Michelle is being impatient? Does he like her as a friend or more?
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Comments
Hi Bonny,
I think you’ve got most of your advice pretty spot on.
Michelle: I think the fact that he called you the next day and actually set up a ‘double date’ is a great sign. You have to see that as a postive. It is unfortunate that many of us ‘alpha males’ often wouldn’t do that. Why? Well there are quite a few different reasons. However, the wait a ‘few days’ rule is a common one for many men.
I think another thing we really need to consider is that the guy sounds quite shy. At least from what you say. He might not even see himself as ’shy’ in his own eyes. Clearly he’s gone to some effort in setting up the double date the very next day. Following that, he has also set up lunch with you a few days later.
These are two positive moves - both have been initiated by him. I really think you can’t overlook that.
I think you should give this guy a bit more time, personally. Clearly him being a bit ’shy’ is not a turn off for you then? it doesn’t sound like this anyway. Sounds like you have some feelings in any case.
I would see how things pan out on your next outing - probe a bit more if you like. As Bonny mentions, throw in a couple of cheeky remarks. If someone likes you, they will come out of their shell in time - sometimes best not to force the issue.
Kieran
Goodluck
Hi Bonny ! Nice post.
Michelle, you’re right where you need
to be-Out of my last three gf’s two kissed me first.Believe me, though, I came up with the next fifty kisses! From a guy’s perspective , THE TWO hardest things in dating are:Asking her out in the first place, and, going in for the first kiss.
In my exp., as you date, chemistry will express itself, in my case that means a wild make-out session on my porch or living room couch about the second or third date.
There is never any need to rush into any intimacy-The guy is already interested in you.I will say as dating progresses, there seems to be a natural “escalation” of intimacy…
Guys are simple creatures…we really are. Unless we are trying to bs you or otherwise deceive you , we take overt to a new level.
hope that helps !(you are dating!)
CC
It’s probably too soon to know for sure whether he’s gonna be into you, but you’re definitely dating. And I’d LOVE it if more women would initiate kisses…
I think the guy likes you. I’m a guy myself. If he didn’t, he would stop seeing you. I don’t think he just wants to be friends. I mean he probably has a lot of friends already. Why would he want to hang out with someone he met at a bar, if he wasn’t interested romantically? Just doesn’t make sense to me
I think you need to give it a little more time. It SOUNDS like he likes being with you but if he’s shy, he’s taking it slowly. I like the advice about sort of putting it out there and asking, playfully.