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Bonny Albo

Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?

By December 4, 2012

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A reader sent me this question years ago, but I think it's as relevant today as it was, then. Essentially, she wanted to know if she can trust her ex this time around, as he's stated he wants to get back together, but isn't making time for her, making plans, or showing through his actions that he actually wants to be with her.

Getting back together with an ex is always a tricky proposition, but not impossible. I've chimed in with my thoughts (see: Will Getting Back Together With the Ex Work Out This Time?), but what do you think, dear readers? Is getting back together even an option for you, or for this reader? Do you think it's possible to make it work with an ex? Why or why not? Have you successfully navigated a breakup and reunion with an ex?

Getting Back Together - Book, Should We Get Back Together Quiz, Reader Thoughts About Getting Back Together, Can We Fall in Love Again?, What To Do When an Ex Comes Back.

December 6, 2007 at 6:23 pm
(1) Nikki says:

I dated my ex for a while then discovered that the same problems that split us apart years ago were still there. Experience it, look for red flags and be ready to move on. Old problems will not go away, unless he’s had a major change in his personality or behavior. Better to make yourself available for new experiences and new peole!

December 7, 2007 at 12:10 am
(2) bumblebee says:

Wake up and smell the coffee!! If he treated you like crap before, he will again! You are a notch in his belt.

December 7, 2007 at 11:08 am
(3) Kellie says:

If you are intent on making this work then…Stop calling him, stop making arrangements. Let him ask you out. If he is being honest then he will make the much needed attempt to straighten things out. When he does call go out on the first date with him then I would make sure not to be the first to call him the next day – let him call you. Also, go out with your friends enjoy life stop making him the priority he doesn’t seem to be doing that with you based on what you say in your paragraph. (He will call because he will be curious as to what you are up and why you aren’t chasing him.) With men it’s all about the chase they like to be the ones to “Go after” women. Play a little hard to get. Besides you need to have your own life apart from him and your friends are the people you need to keep close to you because if things don’t work out you will need them to help you bounce back.

March 11, 2009 at 3:43 am
(4) Sheena says:

I feel u gal,I’m currently playing hard with an ex who’s been calling me,we broke up in 2008 April, we just meet at church;he’s got this sentimental voice when we talk on phone,has this loving look,when we meet at church n catch up…lol….and he’s been telling his friends that he still likes me and wants to get married to me :) he he he!!but i’m making him work4it gal!Let him work to get u back gal,even pray!Relating with an ex who broke ua heart,especially if u still like him can be tricky,yet if he came back to you and u still are the one making arrangements for fun and dates…u had better stop my friend,he needs to invest in this if he’s genuinely ineterested,and dont always be available when he sets up plans…he’ll wake up and realize his role as the man, and u will enjoy the thrill of it.Truth is,men dont get thaat impressed by u if ur overly available.and in this case since u had dated before, become suddenly mysterious to him,and set up plans with ua galfriends without him,trust me,he’ll fall deeply for you.All the best!!

March 10, 2011 at 11:24 am
(5) MyDatingHangovers says:

This really hits home for me because I’m currently in this type of quandary with my ex. Someone recently commented to me “an ex will always be an ex and you should leave it at that”, and for the most part, I agree.

I think it depends on the situation but mainly, the reasons for the break up and if it was a pretty bad ending. In this case, I wouldn’t recommend continuing on.

Why? Well it sounds to me like this dude has no real interest in trying to get back with you because he surely isn’t trying. You say you’re the one having to initiate everything so it sounds one-sided. Where are you picking up cues that he is even interested in trying to date you again if he’s not making any effort??

I would stay away from this situation and move on.

December 6, 2012 at 11:17 am
(6) actnews says:

i think that getting back to the ex is a sort of weakness, especially for men, i ask this question why in the first place you have to leave your ex?
so just forget your ex and move on.

December 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm
(7) Mario says:

The circumstances of your break-up play a big role in the reuniting process! Stay clear of anyone that has been abusive in any way because they will still be abusive and may just hide it better the second time around! If sex was the only reason to be together then you have little ground to base a relationship. Getting back together for the kids will just mess them up unless the two of you have seriously matured and worked out your issues. But in my experience kids are resilient and will also do well with well adjusted divorced parents. The crazy thing is that I have been in all of those situations! I have been talking to another ex but I’m not on a “getting back together mode”. I just want to talk with her because we were truly compatible in many ways and the only reason we broke up was because she lives in Mexico ;(

December 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm
(8) Bonnie says:

My ex was abusive and an alcoholic. I asked him to go see a medical doctor and to go to marriage counseling with me. He went to both, but only briefly. When he was told that He was abusive. He stopped going. After the divorce he kept coming around for 2 years… Friends with Benefits he’d say. (I still can not comprehend the friendship part as it was only sex he wanted). For 6 months I haven’t heard from him. He found someone new… They are having issues in their relationship and he recently stated, if they do not work out, and it doesn’t believe they will, that he would “consider” getting back together with me. He states his current girlfriend has helped him to see how he contributed to my complex ptsd. Since I’m getting “help” for this, he states I will be better able to handle his “anger.” Not that he needs to change… I do… Get back together with the ex… I can’t see it happening but I can see the wanting of the illusion.

December 12, 2012 at 8:05 pm
(9) Dale Winston says:

It depends, I believe sometimes it’s possible. There are times in life when you and your ex where just in a different state of mind at the point and time of turmoil. People grow, people change, but not all. A person who’s willing to get back with an ex has to first think about what they broke up for and see if that person has made growth and promising change in that area. Of course the only thing about that is you would more then likely have to get back into a relationship with them to fully determine that. So having faith in the possibilties would be important to.

December 14, 2012 at 4:05 am
(10) michael says:

It depends on two things, good intent and bad intent. he might sincerely wants to come back because he err. i believed he love u, give he the second chance to prove his affection for you. i will like to know what fall you apart?

December 7, 2013 at 5:22 pm
(11) angie says:

my boyfriend dumpd me with no reason only said he wanted to b alone..i tried asking where i went wrong he simply said i was rushing things, could u believe that??? now he is all over me kinda like he is stalking me he wants me back:-)..which he needs to work very hard for it

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