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Bonny Albo

Why Did He Stop Calling? Dating Question

By March 21, 2013

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cptrainer1 asks: I met this guy on the bus. We both were riding it to work each day for months, and one day he decided to finally talk to me. He got my number, and invited me to see his band play. He then called me a number of times after just to talk. I was not sure if he saw me as a friend or a potential mate. He stopped calling 2 weeks ago.

I'm not sure why, and we never had an official date or sexual contact. He tried to invite himself over to my house twice, but each time I was busy or he was busy. The last time we talked he had me watch a movie he suggested.

Anyway, he told me to call him after the movie was over, to tell him what I thought, so I did. He did not answer or call back. Then almost a week later I called again, and he did not answer or call back. He also got his car fixed so he does not take the bus to work anymore - but he did let me know that ahead of time. Why did he stop calling?

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March 21, 2008 at 11:56 pm
(1) John Crichton says:

Most likeyly what happened here was a combination of two things, you either didnt give him enough positive feedback to make him think his efforts were going anywhere, and/or he found interest in another girl. Im going to go with the latter more than the former but both are possibilities.

March 22, 2008 at 1:34 am
(2) Wes says:

You didn’t put out.

March 25, 2008 at 2:32 pm
(3) Chris says:

As the first one said it, and it seems to be the first opinion, you night not have given him enough interest to go further. Usually men with confidence does this, if he sees she is NOT that interested, then he will MOVE ON, no questions asked. You should do the same, move on, there is nothing there. Just be sure that if you really interested in the next guy, BE INTERESTED, and SHOW IT. Hope you will find him…

March 27, 2008 at 12:31 pm
(4) Traci says:

The comment from “Wes” was really stupid. If he had actually read the questions, he would have known they did not go out. If you don’t get together – how can you “put out?” Besides, are you in junior high? Adult questions deserve adult responses.

March 27, 2008 at 1:38 pm
(5) Debbie says:

This situation is being repeated over and over again, all over the world. The crux of the matter is that most people (of all ages, races, gender) are afraid to show too much interest, in case they get shot down. If you wanted to date him, why didn’t you let him know? Good luck next time around!

March 27, 2008 at 5:12 pm
(6) Tiffany says:

Um, this has happened to me before. IDK what happened, but neither do you. You can always call and just ask (or leave a message), like, “Hey, you sorta disappeared. I hope all is well. Gimme a call.” This gives him an opening. Maybe he didn’t think you were interested, maybe something awful happened in his life that takes presidence. I have stopped talking to guys before just because we were never actually meeting up and I thought, If we can’t find the time to meet up now, when will we ever? Give both of you one more chance. The worst that will happen is that you still won’t know. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

And to Wes, most women who put out right away usually get dumped. Men see them as easy, and wonder who else they’ve slept with. Secondly, the challenge is over. And last, any man that will stop calling because a women isn’t “putting out” is just doing her a favor anyway. No one wants a man like that.

March 28, 2008 at 4:43 am
(7) Hiba says:

Hello dear,
I don’t think he gave up,not that easy,if he’s really interested to you he wouldn’t do that.Maybe he’s just busy with his work or gor something very important to do this days,don’t worry if he didn’t answer your phones…be optimistic.
I think that he tried hard to talk to you,but you guys didn’t have a chance,so it is your turn now to make this chance come to reality.Ask him for a movie if he calls you,or call him and ask him out…I’m sure that’s what he wants from you.From what you said i don’t think he needs you as a friend…But you didn’t mention if the movie he asked you to watch is romantic or not…If so then my wonders are 100% TRUE!
Good luck!

March 29, 2008 at 6:12 am
(8) Just a nice guy says:

Glad I just read this. My friend asked me to call a girl her and her husband know. She told me she was very nice just like I am. She was. To make a long story short I got in touched with her, but I felt like I was pulling teeth trying to get in touch with her. She seemed to be very busy so I just stopped calling. As a guy I have learned to not waste my time if the girl gives me the smallest feeling that she’s not interested. Specially when they are too busy for well, anything. I know we are all busy, but come on, life is short make just a little effort. Plus most women seem to think that all a guy wants is just sex. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful thing, but to a few of us, we still think of it as a very intimate thing between me an that other person. At least I do, but I feel it’s easier to be single nowadays. I find a girl more attractive when she’s just down to earth with me. I guess my point is, not all guys are mean and cruel, but we’re just used to most women assuming that.

April 1, 2008 at 10:42 pm
(9) b-rye says:

It is hard to say. What I can say is that even the most butch “has-it-together” guy may be clueless about women. My first guess is this guy is probably inexperienced with women, and was unsure about how to take it. A lot of guys these days grew up with strong mothers who took charge. Perhaps he is used to a woman taking charge. If you like this guy, I’d give him a call periodically until you feel like you’ve done all you can. Nothing to lose, even if you come off weird and clingy, so what? Then you’ll be in the same spot you are now. Anyway.. try taking the initiative yourself, be flirty perhaps. Some of us fellas are just so used to the idea that ours is the only half of the species that enjoys sex, that we think we’re bothering women by calling them. Atleast that’s been one of my hang-ups.

April 1, 2008 at 10:48 pm
(10) b-rye again says:

One more thing, in regards to “just a nice guy”. Something I have learned is the value of not being so fickle. I used to be like him, if a girl showed any inclination of not liking me, I’d mirror her negative sentiments back (and convince myself to not like her). This was an attempt to keep myself from being embarrassed. But these days, I try my best to scoff at embarrassment. I know I can stand just as tall and smile just as proudly by myself or with thousands of people pointing and laughing at me. I’ve dubiously learned persistence. There is a girl in one of my classes that I think is ideal for me. I’m a kind-hearted person and a good person, and I will continue to pursue her, until either we are together, or I feel that our togetherness is no longer achievable. Note: I’m a kind of fat dude, not a great looker, but if nothing else, she will love me for my persistence and unfaltering dedication to her.

March 17, 2011 at 12:30 pm
(11) PaulAustralia says:

Lack of date plans, for the past few weeks you have been missing out on other men to see also.

He knows your number, and you know his. Next time make time.

March 18, 2011 at 1:33 pm
(12) dexter says:

@b-rye; how insightful! (thanks!)

Also; some other possibilities:

- He lost his phone, and so, your number,
- He has a GF and has decided to stop with the fooling around,
- he has met someone else,
- He is just not that in to you and does not have the balls to tell you.
- He has been in a car crash and has other things to worry about,
- he is shy, euwhh… and all of the above…

Etcetera, the main thing is; you just don’t know, so do not draw any conclusions. Forget it, or give it time.

I have been in all of the above situations, and on both sides of them, no fun, but hey, life is tricky.

March 18, 2011 at 11:59 pm
(13) sorry but true says:

im going with he lost interest cause you werent interested enough. but who knows maybe hes dead.

March 20, 2011 at 7:11 am
(14) Ron says:

Guys these days don’t like to be pushy.
They make the first move, if she shows no interest, that’s it he will move on. Likewise with phone calls, you will get one and two if your lucky and that’s all.

March 12, 2012 at 10:06 am
(15) Thinking Woman says:

I love the thoughtful comments by the men. They seem to have all have a common thread – that you didn’t show enough interest, may have appeared to be too busy, i.e. too much effort.

Sounds like the guy did have genuine interest in you, especially since he let you know when he wouldn’t be riding the bus anymore. Also, recommending the movie seems over and above.

I think you should call him one more time. Let him know you’re interested in getting together if he has the time. If he’s still interested, he’ll definitely get back in touch. If you don’t hear from him, you know he’s moved on and you can let it go.

At least you’ll have some closure.

March 12, 2012 at 10:24 am
(16) Matt says:

It’s a difficult one as you never really got to understand if there was an attraction or not. I would say hold tight and remain calm. There could be any number of reasons why they haven’t been in contact and it could just be something simple like a lost number, family bereavement – who knows.

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