A married reader named Walter contacted me recently, asking me if I could help him and his wife find a dating site that might help them find a single gal for a long-term, committed relationship. They'd tried several options already, yet had little to show for their efforts. When I clarified what they were after (essentially, a triad), Walter replied, "... you are the first person we've talked to who understands what we are looking for."
Well Walter, having numerous polyamorous friends, clients and readers does help, and I hope you find more people in the future who understand and appreciate what you're looking for. It is a common frustration I hear from poly folk - meaning, where do I meet people with a similar perspective and/or lifestyle? Then again, I hear that same frustration from many singles, couples and groups, regardless of whether they're monogamous or polyamorous. I've lost count how many men looking for an adult dating site beg me to help them find what they're after, and the same goes for 30 and 40 -something women looking to get married. It's a matter of focus really, and knowing what you want.
To start, I strongly recommend you and your wife sit down - before going near another dating site - to discuss what you want in a third. Focus on the positives; not only is it more attractive to potential partners, it also helps you both to clarify your needs and desires. Create a list -a big one, if that's necessary - and make sure to highlight any deal breakers positively as well.
Then, and only then do I suggest joining some of the poly dating sites (see: Polyamory Dating Sites for my recommendations) and create a profile that highlights what you and your partner want. As well, I strongly suggest that you attend in-person events where possible, if only to get support and ideas from others in similar situations who have found what they're after. (For those fearful they may run into someone they know, think about it this way: you're all there for the same reason!) I've listed some in-person, or 'real-life' (RL) options for meeting as well in that article.
What about you, dear readers? Have you met anyone from a dating site for a poly relationship? Were there tactics you used that helped or hindered?
Related: Polyamorous Triad: We are a stable and happy family, What is Polyamory?, What is an Open Relationship?, What Do Polyamorous Relationships Look Like?, Share Your Favorite Polyamory Dating Sites.