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Bonny Albo

I'm Attracted To My Married Coworker Dating Question

By July 11, 2013

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Jennifer asks: "I need tips and hints for an attraction I have to a co-worker that's married. He's made comments to me and to others at work that things are not great at home. I don't want to be a home wrecker but I also don't want to pass on a chance with a great guy. We've only flirted with each other, nothing serious has been said or done between us."

Jennifer, I'm going to be frank with you, and I'll hazard a guess you won't like my response by the way you've phrased your question. But here it is: there are oodles of single, available, attractive, 'great' guys. Why would you put yourself out there for someone who is obviously, completely unavailable, and may well only remain that way?

It sounds like there is a lot going on behind the scenes with this gentleman, most of which already says a lot about who he is, and what kind of person he'll be in a relationship: he openly talks to coworkers about his personal issues (would you want him to blab about the two of you at the office?), and he is using the attraction between you to take the edge off of the unhappiness in his marriage (would you feel comfortable if he flirted with other coworkers when things were rough, if you ever got together?).

Even so, he's otherwise spoken for romantically and sexually. You've stated you don't want to be a home wrecker - so don't be. If his marriage ends, let it be for its own reasons, instead of outside temptation. If he does separate from his partner, and if you're still single a year after that happens, then you can think about acting on your attraction. Until then? Put him out of your mind, ponder why you'd choose someone who is unavailable, focus on the things that make you feel amazing about yourself, and work on meeting someone and/or attracting a guy who is ready and able to give you the kind of relationship you deserve from the start.

Related: Attracting Positive Relationships, Attract A Love Relationship Using Feng Shui, When Not To Date.

July 31, 2009 at 7:24 pm
(1) Nancy says:

Excellent advice! My mom told me years ago that relationships founded on deceit, if they survive, suffer from lack of trust because they began with lies.

Definitely wait out this situation. This married man may just have a passing crush on you (it happens, and they fade, just like in junior high) or he may be seriously interested, but he is not free to build a life with anyone until he changes the life he has now.

October 6, 2011 at 5:51 am
(2) Peter Otrain says:

Exactly. If he sneaks around his wife to be with you, then what would he do after a while when he gets tired of you?

August 2, 2009 at 8:53 am
(3) Ron says:

I agree with the post. I have seen it before myself and being the father of 3 daughters am glad that others see things realisticly. Two thumbs up!

August 6, 2009 at 10:36 am
(4) Ronn Posey says:


Thanks for telling it “how it is” and how it should be too!! We need this kind of wisdom on display and applied more in life.


August 3, 2012 at 11:16 am
(5) nwaobasi kingsley o.. says:

hello Jennifer,i want will advice you that it is not to be attracted or in relationship with your cow-worker,he is married,pray,i believe that someone is somewhere in-search of you,God will review you your own.thanks

August 12, 2012 at 10:05 am
(6) Frustrated says:

I appreciate your posting. I am on the other end of the spectrum where a co-worker has made it quite obvious of his interest level in me but he is also unavailable married with children. He goes out of his way to make it be known that he is interested. This is very uncomfortable for me. I am also married and keep myself up not to attract the opposite sex but because I like to look good and take pride in myself. Any suggestions on how to ward off the unwanted inappropriate attraction? I also don’t want to jeopordize my career – he is in a management position which makes me vulnerable. Appreciate heart-felt sincerce answers.

July 19, 2013 at 2:21 am
(7) john says:

As much as he seems attractive to her,the fact that he is married nullifies every feeling that might want to arise for him.Thanks mother for the advice

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