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Bonny Albo

Cheating With a Younger Man Dating Question

By July 23, 2013

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Joe asks: "I am 34 and dating a 44 year old woman. We met in kinda questionable circumstances as she was still married and living with her husband. Two weeks after we started to see each other, she told me that she was going to meet some friends in another state for the weekend. One night in a drunken spillage she told me that she really flew there to meet and have sex with a 20 year old.

I knew that she was married and I was wrong but I thought that I was the only other guy. She is divorced now and wants to have a serious relationship with me but the fact that she flew away to have sex with a 20 year old boy kinda bothers me. I tried to talk to her about as I do feel that it is a bit sick to do so as she could be his mother not to mention that I feel that she found this boy more attractive than me in order to fly to meet him. She claims that she didn't think that we were exclusive but then I don't know why she did lie to me about it. Is it me or is this kinda sick? I feel that what she did is almost the equivalent of me having sex with a 10 year old. Advice please?"

Joe, your disgust at the age difference between this newly-divorced woman and her fling seems to be the most pressing issue in your advice request, but let's clarify first. If I read your email correctly:

  • You met a woman who was married and started a sexual relationship with her, knowing it was wrong but did it anyway;
  • Two weeks after meeting, she flew out of state to have sex with a man 24 years her junior and lied to you about it initially;
  • This woman is now divorced and wants to pursue something serious with you, but you're hung up about what she did prior to a commitment, and how you feel it reflects upon you.

I'm hoping that reading all of that information in point form will help you see the situation for what it is: something to run away from, and fast. This woman refused to uphold the commitment she made to her husband, and she went out of her way to lie to you about the other, other guy. My question to you is this: why would you want to be with this woman? If she lied to her husband, why would she be honest with you?

Separate from this question is your comment about the behavior 'being sick' because of the age difference. Here's the thing Joe: she had consensual sex with an adult, albeit while she was married to someone else. Her behavior says she's impulsive and wanted a fling with someone younger, and she wanted something more substantial with you. While I want to avoid condoning her behavior, there's little 'sick' about the age difference between her and her fling.

Now, if you feel it's sick, again, I'm wondering why you want to be with this woman. Perhaps instead, you could invest the time to find a woman whom you can trust, and who avoids bringing this kind of baggage to the table.

What do you think, dear readers?

Related: Would You Tell Your Partner You Cheated?, Predicting Infidelity, Dating Younger Men, Is He Lying?, More Ways To Meet People, Dating Rules To Meet Someone New.

July 14, 2009 at 12:59 am
(1) SMG says:

Everything is fair in love and war. Older women are expected to have more sexual experience than younger guys. By going out with younger guys older women try to prove that they can still attract younger guys. This boosts their confidence and ego. There is nothing wrong in this.

July 14, 2009 at 5:53 am
(2) manbros says:

I agree with it.

July 15, 2009 at 3:38 pm
(3) Alex says:

What she did to her husband she will in all likelihood do to you.

July 19, 2009 at 4:52 pm
(4) pilar says:

there is an 18 year old attracted to me (28) and i like him too but I am married so nothing had ever happend…. not even a kiss. I can think her marriage was not working but people stick together for other reasons (children, dont want to divide properties, afraid to star again, etc) but it doesnt means that she did not find love with you. Why did she cheat on you too??? you were together for only 2 weeks, that is not enought time for here to know that you were for her or that you will love her. When she met you she thought (maybe) that you want just sex or a new experience.

July 17, 2012 at 11:26 am
(5) Two of Us Dating Service says:

I think your advice to Joe was dead on, and it doesnt seem like he is comfortable with her now. Funny how when your with someone that you knew from the start was cheating, how in the end you think they should be faithful to you. If someone is cheating and sneaking around and lying to pull it off. What can that person really have to offer anyone, heck when they arent even true to themselves.

September 22, 2012 at 10:52 am
(6) Bvaman says:

Alex your are so right! My wife left me for a younger man. I was torn up and started to work out to win her back but then decided, why should I do this for her, I will do this for myself. My life is wonderful. I have made new friends, have a better self confidence about myself. We are both 44 and the guy was 25. It turned out she cheated on him to. I was mad at him in the beginning but it takes two to tangle. I warned him that she would do this to him. He came to my house and said I was right and apologized. I forgave him and we talked for two hours or more and now we are great friends if you can believe that and are glad to be rid of her. I got a new life and made a new friend in the process and next month, I get to be the best man at his wedding with a great woman he met.

November 19, 2012 at 11:55 pm
(7) Goddie says:

I think Joe is not particularly worried about the cheating part, but his concern is with the fact that this woman might have a fetish for younger guys. If that is so, then she’s never gonna stop cheating and she definitely wont stop lying either. Best advice has been given already, leave her and her load and find someone you can trust and you also try to be faithful…

January 30, 2013 at 8:11 am
(8) Kim says:

I cheated on my husband of 16 years with a younger co-worker and became pregnant. He is 25 and I am 38. The baby was unplanned I think. I always wanted an other baby but my soon to be ex-husband did not want anymore children. I gave birth 2 months ago and am living with my younger BF. I am happy and excited with my new living arrangment. I don’t have to work. I have a new car to drive my kids around. We are starting to have sex again and its every night if I let him. I was so unhappy with my old life and did not even realize it until my moved away from it. We are now talking about having one more than I will get fixed.

February 12, 2013 at 3:50 pm
(9) jullio says:

how could you cheat on your husband of 16 years! with kids! and not have you discust me and i one day youll relize the damge uv done and maybe ur “younger” bf will cheat on you with a younger girl.

August 1, 2013 at 8:18 pm
(10) Grace says:

I think Kim is the smartest. She pulled it off…. Amazing!

November 7, 2013 at 7:48 am
(11) Clair says:

I meet a younger guy about 3 months ago. He has pretty much moved in with me but our relationship is still in the “sex every night” stage. I can tell that it will not last very long. He wants a wife and babies. I am 45 and am passed the baby years. He is 26 and is ready to start a family. I am not cheating on anybody. But being with him feels like I am cheating. Maybe because he is so much younger and I have always feel that a relationship with this kind of age gape is kinds cheating.

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