While researching and talking to other dating aficionados about the newly introduced dating boot camp, I spoke with the gent who runs 100RedFlags, a dating blog that discusses "...the small things that women do that drive men away." [Note: The 100RedFlags site is not work-friendly, and uses language that may offend some readers.]
I plan on covering dating red flags in the boot camp eCourse, so of course I wanted to take a closer look. Many of the red flags already listed I agreed with, such as She Wears a Slutty Hallowe'en Costume. Seems fairly straightforward to me.
But once I looked a bit closer at the red flags listed, I started to get confused. "She Was Homeschooled," and "She's Run More Than One Marathon?" "She Carries Condoms In Her Purse," and "She's Never Smoked Pot?" Really?
I disagreed with the blog owner, and sent him a note specifically regarding the last "red flag" (not having smoked pot). Here's his response:
"...absolutely it's a red flag, and believe it or not one of the ones that we've posted/talked about to date is most commonly met with approval amongst guys. It could mean rigid views of the world, it could mean a conservative stance on societal issues. I won't belabor the issue, but maybe will just make it clear that these things are all representative of potential character and lifestyle flaws that would inhibit a healthy, successful relationship. It's quite possible one could say she's never smoked weed and yet can sit across the table on a first date and it'd never even be a thought - but without enough evidence the assumption could still be there and there may never be a date two if women aren't aware that some men may take issue with it."
In the hundreds of men I've worked with and coached with regards to their dating lives, and the thousands that have emailed me throughout the years sharing their opinions, not once have I heard any of these as issues. The ones I most commonly hear from gents focus on larger personality traits that some might find stereotypical (i.e. acting like a princess or being bossy), or frustration with what they feel is a 'bait and switch' (i.e. how you presented yourself isn't really who you are). Rachel Greenwald, who wrote the book, "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date" (Buy Direct) found similar themes.
But, you tell me: what are your dating red flags? Do you agree with the ones presented here, or do you have a differing opinion?
For those of you participating in the dating boot camp, looking for today's installment, here you go: Dating Boot Camp Day One.