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Bonny Albo

Why Am I Not Getting Any Responses To My Dating Profile?

By March 27, 2014

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A reader recently asked, "I've been single for a while now, have joined quite a few free dating sites, and I either get matches by people from the states (I live in Ontario, Canada) or from guys that are not in my age range. Or not even anything I would like. Or on the other hand, if I send a message to somebody, they don't reply back. What am I doing wrong?"

I think there are four main reasons why this lady has not received any responses to her dating profile that she finds acceptable, and have answered them in great detail already. (see: Why Am I Not Getting Any Responses To My Dating Profile?) Do you think I've missed any, or have further ideas and suggestions?

Do you have a difficult or frustrating dating question? Then fill out the dating advice submission form to have your question answered here.

March 28, 2008 at 2:48 pm
(1) dadshouse says:

I’m not a big believer in online dating. It’s nearly a billion dollar industry, and with so much money to be made, most advice about online dating is to tweak what you’re doing and try again. i.e. keep paying that service fee. Reports show that over 75% of people who online date are not very satisfied with the process. Psychologists have shown that in-person chemistry is felt and not articulate ahead of time in checkboxes and essays. Sure, you can try the latest angle, like DNA-based matchmaking, but where does it end? Maybe we should all just give online dating a rest and re-learn the fine art of flirting with someone you meet in everyday life.

March 30, 2008 at 1:43 am
(2) N8 says:

How true that is my friend, dadshouse. I agree with you 100% on this one.

March 30, 2008 at 4:20 pm
(3) Bonny says:

Any stats I’ve seen about online dating dissatisfaction are WAY lower than what you are quoting. Where did you get this number?

As well, psychologists are the ones creating most of the online chemistry, attraction and matchmaking tests, such as both eHarmony and Chemistry. Not that I’m plugging them, cause I’m not. You’ll notice that none of the links at dating.about.com for online dating sites are affiliates.

However, the poster in question is looking for advice on why she’s not getting a response to a FREE dating site. She’s not invested financially. My suggestions to her are yes, to tweak things, since she wants to know why her profile isn’t netting any responses. If she’d asked if she should go offline to meet people, I’d highly recommend that as well. But she didn’t, so instead I answered her question.

March 31, 2008 at 1:03 pm
(4) ashley says:

i think instead of reling on dating services you need to go out there yourself and find a man tell your friends to help you out or something look you aint gotta listen to me cause im only 15 going on 16 but on the other hand i know things about boys

April 1, 2008 at 10:10 am
(5) Dede says:

Hi Bonnie,

How do you get a review for a free online dating site?

Kind Regards

April 14, 2008 at 11:13 am
(6) Nice Cen says:

I believe online dating. I found my true love there. Try to get closer. Hope you find a nice single.

February 6, 2009 at 7:26 pm
(7) J says:

I think waiting around to be matched is the biggest mistake. Do women really do this? You have to use the advanced search feature and limit your searches to your preferences.

If they are consistently not responding to your messages, if nobody is messaging you, 9 times out of 10 you are too ugly to be seen with as guys will normally go after anything, anywhere. Sad but true. It is well-known that guys love their visuals most.

March 7, 2012 at 8:50 am
(8) Arby says:

Just a thought for those on POF (and I guess it could apply to other sites depending on how they are designed): Check to see whether your ‘hide’ button is on or off. I’m not sure why a hook up site would have a ‘hide your profile’ button. Maybe it’s so that the site’s owner can have his staff surreptitiously set members’ hide switches to on for some reason.

Members will color an organization even if they are only members and not owners. Whether or not a site owner is willing to have principles, he or she or they surely don’t want their revenue generating site to have the sort of appearance that advertizers in the industry would see as not helpful. I’m thinking specifically of profiles like mine that are (can be seen as) a downer.

And POF generates revenue. I stress that I don’t ‘know’ anything about whether there’s moneky business going on at POF. What I do know is that I was met with (increasing) hositility in the forums when I broached the subject. And my ‘hide’ switch was constantly flipping to on, to the point where it looked like it would stay on. I’d switch it back and do this and that, in POF, and look again and it would be set to hide.

One dude in the forum said it’s my cookies. Right. Only on POF? I have no problems anywhere else I’m active online. I also regularly clean up my junk with Ccleaner. Interestingly, Since I’ve changed my POF tag line to “To unhide your profile from others click here,” I’ve only seen it switched a few times, far, far less often than before. Make of it what you will.

October 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm
(9) Neil says:

I’m still looking.

eHarmony didn’t work. Match didn’t work. They donít tell you if itís a fake profile or canít respond to you because they are not a paying member.

Cruise around all these dating sites and if the same profile keeps showing up, you send them an email, and they donít respond itís probably a fake profile.

One of the questions on OkCupid asks are you willing to meet someone on a dating site. I was shock by the majority of women that said no, they would be reluctant to meet someone on a dating site.

Be careful about walking up to a complete stranger and start flirting with her. It can land you in the hospital.

The best advice is don’t pay for a membership.

Move on if they donít want to exchange phone numbers and meet right away in a public place.

February 9, 2013 at 6:09 pm
(10) Eric says:

I disagree. I have lived here for five years and have yet to encounter one single woman that I would be interested in dating. All the women I meet here are drunks, very permiscuous, or just plan nasty. I know that some would say take a class or go to events that interest me to meet women. Unfortunately there is no such thing here. This area was destroyed in Katrina and the town I live in just got a second grocery store about 6 months ago. The first was a Walmart. Online dating is my only chance of meeting a nice lady.

March 19, 2013 at 9:08 pm
(11) Jeff says:

I must say I learned something here. Valuable info. Thanks.

March 21, 2013 at 10:25 am
(12) Maja says:

I do believe that it is difficult to find a stabile, selfconfident and profound person online. People who do not have enough luck to find a partner in everyday life, end up on dating sites, and keep on hanging there. If they do not have enough self-esteem to attract a person in real life, how can they suddenly become someone else and become attractive online!? On another side, there are a lot of players there, who just want attention, or others who just broke up with someone and need a shoulder for crying, or people who have a partner who just look for excitement and quick hook ups…I find it very messy and strange. And all that fixation on how someone looks on the picture, is totally naive. People can look completely different in the reality, I experienced it by myself. A guy looked great on the picture, but when I met him it was a total dissapointment. Online dataing sucks, but when you aproach beginning of 40tees probability to meet somone in person is not that great. Than online profile may be the last option.

March 21, 2013 at 3:41 pm
(13) James Surratt says:

Online dating sights are long shots at landing the right person. The ones that seek you out to give them a try usually toss open sex to the guys that these ladies are hot for you. Likely the same is true in the pitch to women.

I will be honest with you that I am a married guy and decided to check these sights out, mostly to see if I recognize anyone. Zoosk was the only one where I spotted familiar names. All the others were strangers. I posted myself as a person who was ready for some red hot loving at night. I was surprised at the responses I received. I never answered any as I’m not leaving my wife. Just curious. The ladies ages ranged from 18 all the way up to my age (64). I could undestand those close to my age responding as my age was posted on my profile. But the younger ones? Either they were possible golddiggers, possible guys who wanted to defraud other guys out of money, or they might have been vice squad cops going after johns. You have to be careful in this racket.

What surprised me was that the high number of ladies that were ready to try out a guy like me posing as a stud offering little more than that. These ladies must be desperate and lonely. I bowed out after about a month as it was heartbreaking to see them pour their heart out in their emails online. I’m not without feeling. It’s just amazing about the changing times. Years ago, ladies wouldn’t dream of considering a guy like my profile was. Not anymore!

I know I won’t be doing again. But I can be certain there will be other guys that will try the same as I did, regardless of their marital status. So beware ladies.

July 10, 2013 at 3:00 am
(14) Me says:

You have a very low chance of getting a date if you are ugly. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

January 7, 2014 at 11:43 pm
(15) John Smith says:

Online dating and matrimonial sites are really awesome. Try to make an attractive profile. Hope you find a nice single. You can also try http://www.shadi.com I found my true love there.

March 28, 2014 at 7:32 pm
(16) main main black says:

If ur reading this you just dont know you r beautiful is not for eney women to say only for ugly men like me just got through crying a bout how ugly i am . But thanks for nothing because i know you have men after you .me no one my be i am cursed. I love you and the way you look i have low seaf asteam about how i look. Some luck i have .wish i was never here!!!

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