By Bonny Albo
Walter asks: "My wife and I are wondering if you can suggest any dating sites for polyamorous couples, as she and I are looking for a woman to have a monogamous triad with. I have looked and looked and have basically run my head into a brick wall with this. Please help us if you can!
You've got a lot of company in your search for a single gal to join you and your wife for a long-term, monogamous partnership Walter, so while I'll share the websites that I know of to suit your needs, there are few guarantees you'll actually find what you're after. Why? In the polyamorous communities, single women wanting to join a couple for an exclusive triad are often called "Unicorns", as they're both rare and beautiful to behold. Having said that, I know of a significant number of partnerships with this kind of dynamic, so it's more than just a fantasy you're chasing.
I've ranked my top picks for poly dating sites at the top, scaling down with reasons as to why they're a bit less desirable, in my opinion (although still on the list for a reason). Feel free to share your own thoughts and suggestions, as well as reviews for each site where applicable.
OkCupid offers a curious and fun mix of singles looking for all sorts of partnerships, and for whatever reason, it has attracted a significant number of polyamorous singles and couples, looking for other folks to share their love with. Perhaps it's the flexibility in their gender and relationship statuses - for instance, you can list yourself as 'attached' as well as 'looking' at the same time - or maybe it's the open feel of the site that welcomes folks of all loving beliefs to its folds. Of the poly singles, couples and groups that I know of, OkCupid is mentioned only second to FetLife as their dating site of choice, and likely because it's one of the few free dating sites around that cater to this niche.
The folks who run FetLife, as well as many of its members, may cringe at joining the ranks of the dating sites listed here, as the alternative lifestyle social networking site makes a point of staying away from typical 'dating' searches and features found easily at all of the other websites on this list. Still, I've found a significantly higher-than-average number of poly folk on FetLife, with a staggering number of local groups catering to those seeking multi-partnered relationships. Also free, it does require everyone joining over the age of majority in their area, if only because of the obviously adult nature of the site (many would consider FetLife pornographic in nature).
Okay, so I've deviated a bit here, offering up local resources instead of a specific dating site, per say. The thing is, networking is key in this kind of search, and oftentimes you'll find meeting folks at real-world events the best way to communicate and connect with like-minded individuals. With that in mind, try searching Meetup.com, FetLife, Facebook, Polyamory.org and LovingMore for resources.
With only 27,000 (and counting) members on the site, PolyMatchMaker still needs a larger user base to make it the go-to site for polyfolk around the world. Their layout is clean and fresh, and the options to self-designate are as vast as your ability to create them. Signing up, creating a profile and checking out who else is on the site costs nothing, however if you'd like to contact others or reply to anything other than the first message a paying member sends you, you'll want to fork out the $8.99/month fee to make contact.
As the only completely free dating site devoted to poly relationships that I could find, I was excited to check out Polyamorous Passions, until I saw that it was a subset of the Passions Network. All that means is that the database, like other dating sites shared on this list, is shared with other, non-related niche dating sites, and thus there are no guarantees of finding anyone in your area that truly is polyamorous and looking for love. I did find quite a few poly folk however while searching the site, and with it being 100% free (although covered in ads), I'd try it out if the other options on this list didn't pan out.
Although it came recommended by a reader, I have a hard time suggesting a dating site - any dating site - covered in ads that charges $30/month to gain full access to the site and contact other members. While their About Us page suggested the site offers free access, it's evident right from the start that to actually contact others beyond the basic canned replies, you'll have to fork out a significant sum of money. Finally, there just aren't enough members here with full profiles (from my own searches) to warrant paying $30. Not recommended.
LoveMany says they cater to "polyamorous families" looking for love, however, I have yet to see any groups, families, triads, or couples profiles listed on their site. A quick review found the company shares a database with Dating Factory, a huge partnership program with hundreds of other niche dating sites, and thus likely why the lack of truly poly matches. As well, I wasn't able to find out costs to upgrade memberships (and thus contact others) or even see how many people use the site, so I'd pass here, too. Please do comment at the bottom of this article if you have any experience with LoveMany.
As the biggest free dating site in the world, I'd be remiss if I chose to ignore POF on this list of poly dating sites to try. The thing is, POF offers few options for polyamorous singles, couples or groups to even sign up. Also, with the new changes to POF's policies (deleting members that contact others for sex-only connections), it might be worth trying the other options on this list, first. Yet still I regularly hear of friends, readers and clients connecting with others via Plenty of Fish for alternative partnerships, so obviously there's something else going on here that I've yet to figure out myself. (If you have suggestions or some inside tips, please do share them in the comments!)