1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Discuss in my forum

Will Getting Back Together With the Ex Work Out This Time?

Dating Advice for a Reader Wanting To Know If Things Will Be Different This Time


Woman hugging man with flowers in doorway
OJO Images/Tom Merton/Iconica/Getty Images

Q: "I've just started seeing my ex-boyfriend again and I'm worried he is going to treat me badly like last time. We have been friends in between breaking up and getting back together again, and the whole time he said he still liked me. However. I don't know whether he is being genuine or not, as nearly every time I ask him to go out he is busy doing something else. Also, he never is the one to arrange things - its always me. What do I do to make him come to me? And also, do you think he is telling the truth?"

A: Getting back together with the ex is always a tricky proposition. You have not shared how long the two of you have been together, how long you were apart, or any other details related to the length, time spent or intensity previously, so I have to assume this was a longer-term relationship that ended (for reasons unknown) and has since been rekindled by one or both of you. As well, you say your ex treated you badly before, but you have not shared what badly was exactly. Is not calling a pattern with him, or was is something much more challenging?

What I can tell from your dating advice request however is that you are frustrated, unhappy with the way things stand, and feel distrustful of your partner. And since trust is the cornerstone of every good relationship, your problem becomes quite clear.

First off, you need to rework how you look at your relationship. This isn't a question of making your partner come to you, as you've asked. If your partner is interested and willing, there will be no doubt he wants to be in a relationship with you. Drawing him in wouldn't be necessary, because he would already be right by your side. Now, that isn't to say his requirements for how much time spent together are the same as yours and that may need to be discussed. What it does mean is that if your boyfriend wants to remain your boyfriend, he'll make a reasonable amount of time to be with you.

Therefore, stop asking him out. Stop trying to draw him in. In fact, stop doing anything that might be construed as trying to get your boyfriend to do something. Instead, let him know (nicely, politely, quickly and without fanfare) your expectations when it comes to hanging out, and then let him take the reins. Give your boyfriend the opportunity to please you, not let you down.

While you are waiting for him to set up a date, I'd also suggest you take a closer look at how much you trust your partner. Are there residual issues from your previous relationship with him that need to be addressed? This article about unfinished business may assist you with working out these kinds of problems -by yourself - before they become serious liabilities within the confines of your relationship.

Ask Bonny is a dating advice column that focuses on relationship issues. If you have a question that relates to the dating community, please fill out this dating advice submission form.

More Dating Advice
Did I Catch Him Cheating? | How Do I Date While Taking Care of My Mom? | Is He Still Interested? | My Boyfriend Lied. Should I Trust Him? | My Perfect Guy Wants Someone Else | Should I Date When I Don't Have a Job? | When Will He Call For a Second Date? | | Why Am I Not Getting Responses To My Dating Profile? | Why Won't Younger Women Date Me?

Readers Respond: Your Thoughts About Getting Back Together With an Ex

  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Dating
  4. Intimacy
  5. Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.